Episode 49: How to Keep Going When it Feels Like Too Much

These are heavy times.

There have been big themes of illness, isolation, suffering, hypocrisy, violence, injustice and inequality that have been headlining the news.

Climate change, politics, race and class inequality, a global pandemic. Our world as we’ve known it is in intense change.

Much of the time, I choose to switch off from the news and choose what I let into my space. But there are things that we can’t ignore.

And there has been palpable shock. But why are we so shocked? These events keep happening! Why are we surprised that history repeats itself?

I don’t want to allow shock to silence me or stop me in my tracks. I choose to feel my feelings. Allow rage, allow the choke in my throat. And move those feelings through my body. I believe that anger is a force. It’s kinetic and drives change when it’s channeled in the right way. There’s a lot going on in the world that you could bypass and numb out from, but it’s time to step into a collective power. 

We need to be seeing and feeling the oneness that unites us to the earth and her inhabitants. To each other.

It’s noticeable that more and more people are using their voices and their platforms to stand up and be counted and share their voice on the things that matter. 

This gives me hope. If we join together as a collective, we can create the change that’s needed.

But there are times when you can’t ever see a way out of the distress.

In this episode, I wanted to share some ideas so that you can keep going, even if you’re in despair, and your heart feels heavy and shattered.

Perhaps you’re finding lockdown difficult, wondering when it will end but also anxious about how to return to a different way of life.

Or perhaps you or a loved one are a key worker or front-liner and you’ve been hard at work for a long, long time.

Maybe you’re facing some sort of battle right now with your physical or mental health. Whatever your situation, I hope you find some of these suggestions soothing and practical: 

Have firm boundaries

The kinder and more caring you are,  the stronger those boundaries need to be. Otherwise, you’re diluting yourself. And if you do that, then how can you show up in the way that you do best?

 Protect your space so that you don’t need to harden yourself 

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to live with a hardened heart. 

Get to know yourself and the things that deplete you and the things that fill you up. Hold those boundaries strongly so that you can protect your energy.

You can have boundaries about your presence on social media, your personal space and privacy, your bed-time, and your emotional well-being. Saying no to whatever doesn’t fit for you can be a great support.

Allow yourself to feel the difficult emotions

We might feel compelled to switch off or numb out, but instead of trying to move away from difficult feelings, you could try to be present with them. Tools like journaling, breathwork, meditation, and movement can all help to sit with the feelings. Feelings are guidance.

Fill Your Cup

Anna Lovind, a writer who I admire, talks about the excess. If you give from a place of depletion, you’ll be more and more depleted. So fill your cup with the things that nourish you, lift your spirit, and inspire creativity and play. Don’t let your fire burn out. You need to tend to the fire. Dance, sing, draw - whatever makes you feel soothed or joyful , make sure you prioritise some space for the things that fill you up. 

There are stories about children in concentration camps drawing butterflies on the walls to represent hope - so even in intense sorrow, you can make space for the things that make you feel most alive

Seek Wisdom

This is the time for the poets and the preachers that speak from the heart. Get acquainted with compelling leaders who had a strong message to share. Read autobiographies of people you admire as you can gain insight about how they journeyed through life.

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Some of my other favourites are Maya Angelou, The Dalai Lama, Thich Naht Hahn and Pema Chodron

Trust in Nature

Feel the ground supporting you.

Know that there will be a new day.

Be soothed in places of greenery and wildness.

Listen to the birdsong. 

Reach out to others

We’re not meant to be lone rangers. Connect with the people that you can share your experiences with. That you feel at home with. And helping someone else can make you feel good.

Where can you help to lighten the load for someone else?   Send a note to show you care. Support ethical, small, and local businesses. Or just be a friendly face for someone else who’s having a tough day.

“Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud.” Maya Angelou 

Take a pause

It’s not wasting time to take a breath and rest.

In fact, it helps you to regroup and find your way again.

The opportunity to course-correct if you need to.

Sign off social media for a weekend, or take a few days off work. Have a mini-retreat. Stop watching the news. Start practicing restorative yoga or meditation to allow your nervous system to experience deep rest.

Celebrate Joy 

Yes to experiencing the heavier emotions. But also, yes to joy and pleasure.

When I look at people who are so drained from giving, it makes me think that it’s not the way that I want to live. You don’t have to be a martyr. 

We need to preserve our light and our spirit. That’s why people like the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu can have so much lightness and laughter, even though they lead people through such suffering.

And finally, 

I’ve always loved the saying “This too shall pass”. 

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