Episode 93: Endings, The Waiting Game and All Things in Moderation

Photo credit - Unsplash - Eleni Koureas

Hi! It’s been a while or 11 episodes since I’ve done a solo episode. I can’t quite believe that this is episode number 93. I’ve loved creating ‘Speak From the Body’ and talking to so many knowledgeable guests. I’m one of those types who sneaks out of the party early, if I ever even go to a party. In the same vein, I’ve decided to take a break after 2 more episodes.

It’s been such a passion project and I’ve loved sharing different topics and ideas about health and the body from a wide perspective. I’m keen to create space for some other ideas after a little fallow period. I’m trying to practice what I preach about refilling the well rather than constantly using up the dregs. 

So today’s episode is a bit of a mish-mash, but I’ll be talking about endings, the waiting game, and moderation.

Endings

I’m not very good at goodbyes. I tend to get overly emotional and bail early to avoid any drama. I have so many childhood memories of holding back tears at the airport when we dropped off my beloved Great Aunt and Uncle after long summer holidays with them, and then discreetly crying in the car when I thought no-one would notice. Even a leaving do at work or leaving a beautiful holiday destination is really tough for me. It’s much easier for me to enjoy cracking open a new notebook than it is to complete one! I’m talking about this because I don’t think that the pain of endings is acknowledged enough. We’re often so quick to get on to the next thing that we don’t get to savour what’s been there. Even when there’s something new and exciting, I think it’s important to feel the loss too. 

Whether it’s your firstborn ending the baby stage and being able to walk independently, or the end of a big work project that you’ve been focussed on, how much attention do you pay to the ending? 

When I look around, so many of the people in my life are going through change and transition.

A friend is moving to a new house and leaving the one where she raised her little ones.

Another is heartbroken at the end of her first serious relationship, with someone she thought she would be with forever.

Another has a teenager who is moving abroad for an incredible life experience, but it means that this will be the last precious family summer together before the move.

Others are leaving city life for a calmer start elsewhere.

Being a foodie, my heart feels crushed every single time I walk past another favourite restaurant that has perished recently. 

Even though we are in a time of so much uncertainty, there will eventually be the ending of this period of lockdowns and restrictions, which brings up so many different feelings as we navigate social interactions and busier diaries again. Some can’t wait to get going and others feel a natural hesitancy about it all.

From my interest in loss, I’m often looking at what we hold on to. 

Whether it’s the emotions we carry in our bodies, or the things we hoard in our homes because we aren’t ready to let go of the memories. Bereavements, breakups, baby loss, leaving a job, moving country. Endings define all of these events but they are always acknowledged, marked or celebrated.

The first week of Wimbledon is a particularly poignant week for me. A few years ago, I had the joy of having my younger cousin stay for a week whilst he attended a course nearby. We had such wonderful quality time together with lots of hanging out. The year before, he’d survived heart surgery for a congenital issue that was picked up by chance as a medical student. He had such an infectious zest for life and was so open to my way of working even though he was so passionate about medicine.

Sadly, only a month later, he was killed whilst driving home after a night shift at the hospital he worked at as an anaesthetist. He never got to hold the baby his wife was expecting. If you follow me on Instagram you might have seen that I often share pictures of stars that I find randomly, that I firmly believe are a sign from him. Knowing that it’s an emotional time of year I allow myself to hold the gratitude for being the last in the family to have seen him, and have had such a special time with him before he died, as well as feeling the loss and sadness that came as his life ended far too soon.

How are you at endings, whether the end of a project or relationship? Leaving a job or finishing with a therapist?

 There are so many times in life where we might not get the chance for a sweet ending, and I think it’s important to witness the cycles and transitions and mark the ways that they move us. 

So let’s talk about waiting…

Waiting is something we aren’t generally well-trained in these days. We live in instant gratification - click and deliver.  Things arrive to our door rather than having to venture out to get them. But there are times where waiting is a good thing.

In my clinic work, I’m often supporting clients to go through the waiting game. Those trying to conceive know the two week wait all too well - that in-between world of maybe being pregnant but not yet knowing for sure. And for those in early pregnancy, waiting until whatever landmark they feel is the time for the them to share, whether it’s seeing the baby’s heartbeat at an early scan or reaching the 12 week milestone. 

And at the other end of pregnancy when there’s the waiting game for the baby to arrive, and navigating whether to allow things to unfold naturally or encourage things along. 

But it’s not just about the business of making babies. Waiting is an important part of life.

It can bring us into a state of presence because what’s past is past and the future is unknown. Somehow that can open up a more settled state if you can allow it to arise. 

Did you get into any slower pursuits over the last few months of working from home and having fewer in-person commitments? Some of the things I’ve enjoyed are making pizza dough where it’s fermented for 24 or even 48 hours and cooking meals with longer soaking or cooking times. And there’s an orchid in my living room that is such a beacon for waiting. Watching and waiting for each new bud to bloom is such a pleasure. It’s given me hope when the world looks more and more bizarre and unfamiliar. 

And finally, all things in moderation

I really dislike the faddy, ‘next new thing’ approach to health and wellbeing. Personally I’d rather focus on finding health from the things that are readily available, at least for most of us, such as daylight, water, fresh air, movement and sleep, rather than needing a complicated regime and expensive accouterments. 

Health doesn’t have to be a boom or bust cycle. In fact, when it follows this route, it’s generally not sustainable because the cycle is built on exhaustion and starkness. ‘All things in moderation might not grace the pages of glossy magazines, but it works. Whilst I’m all for cleansing and having a fresh start, there’s a slower, more mindful way of health that works. I highly recommend ‘Atomic Habits’ by James Clear, about the value of 1% improvements over time. So for healthier habits, you might want to start with drinking an extra 2 glasses of water a day. Over time, you might find that you have more clarity and alertness and that your eyes and skin feel better. You can then add another health habit and then another and another as you become adept with the simple changes. 

You might have heard me talk about the Blue Zones project, which has fascinated me since I first read about it in the National Geographic. There were pictures of elderly people climbing trees and being full of vitality and spark. This long-term study has looked at people who live a healthy life over 100 years in different places such as Japan, Sardinia and Greece. Even though there are different climates and land types, there are similarities. Such as eating fresh locally-grown food, and being moderately active each day, and being part of an active community for a sense of purpose. One of my most cherished teachers, Fritz Smith, the founder of Zero Balancing, is well into his 90s now and I’ve been inspired to think of the long-term view to living a full and rich life rather than the fast pace where we don’t get to enjoy the journey. 

I hope that this mish-mash of an episode has given you lots to ponder about endings, waiting, and moderation. As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts so do connect with me @avnitouch on Instagram or Twitter. Thank you for listening to Speak From the Body. I’m so grateful to you.

Resources:

Atomic Habits by James Clear

The Blue Zones: Lessons for Living Longer from the People Who’ve Lived the Longest 

Keep in Touch with Avni:

Sign up for my free course ‘5 Days to Wellness with Ease’